OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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