Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
