Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
