I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
