You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
