you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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