What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
