apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
