i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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