I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
