reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
