I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
