Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize