i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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