I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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