At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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