I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
