You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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