I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize