My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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