yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
