She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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