So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
