Your mouth is God's brothel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
