He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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