Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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