Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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