the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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