Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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