It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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