There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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