No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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