But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
