you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
