its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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