just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
