Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
