so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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