I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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