I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
