dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
