I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm passing your future prison.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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