Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
