Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
