People in love make me want to vomit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
