People with herpes should wear stickers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
whose ass print is on the piano?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
