I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is my gift to your gina
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
