I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
