So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
