you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
