HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
