There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
