I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize