Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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