Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
