Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
