Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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