her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
