bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well you can't waste a boner
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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