she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize