Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
