enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
