Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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