dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
