I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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