look no pants
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
