xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
