Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
True strength comes from lack of pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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