Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
