whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
