I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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