i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
