So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
