Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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