how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
