And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
