uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
