Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
