i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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