his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize