Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
