Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
