So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
