her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
