You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
