She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
