Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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