watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
