I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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