He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
