She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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