I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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