Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
