I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
