You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
