A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
