My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
