I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
