I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
