I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
