that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mom said you looked used
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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