So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
